Not all water fountains at Walsh Jesuit are created equal. Students have tried and failed to find the best, calling the task impossible. The Pioneer has made a conscious effort to debunk this myth and uncover the truth.

The Pioneer recently conducted a test with three volunteers (of unassailable integrity and judgment): sophomore Robbie Cramer, junior Sydney Noernberg, and senior Joey Yakopovich. A list of the five most used fountains was compiled, judged, and ranked by the volunteers.

The worst ranked fountain can be found on the first floor of Allwin Hall. Joey took only of a moment to declare, “The fountain looked very old-fashioned.” In fact, it looks as old as time itself, and the water has a flavor straight out of the Jurassic era. Sydney said the water had a “strong fluoride taste.”

Next up at fourth was the main Commons fountain to the right of the men’s restroom. This amenity has two different fountains right next to each other, a rare sight indeed. “What stood out was the great location and weird poignant taste,” Robbie said. The fountain was also the first to receive a water bottle filler, making it a historical landmark. Sydney rated the H2O as her favorite, saying, “It’s filtered, modern and clear.”

The other Commons fountain ranks third, specifically the one in the far-left corner next to the stairwell. Seldom noticed or used, this one is often overshadowed by its more popular sibling across the Commons. “I did not know it existed,” Robbie stated. It also exhibits unwelcome oddities with the spout, as Joey noted: “I do not like the amount of splash.”

Second place went to the fountain next to the elevator on the second floor. It also has a bottle filler, making it a popular choice for hall-surfers. Sydney said the water dispensed “tastes more dense” (?). This is one of the most used fountains, so getting a drink between classes can present a real challenge and demands true skill. Robbie said, “Good location and clean taste.”

The fountain to the left of Room 120 on the first floor rated a first place ranking. This fountain also has a bottle dispenser, distinguishing it as one of the newer, better models. Joey said, “The water was refreshing, not too hot or cold.” Sydney took a liking to this one as well, saying the water “tastes similar to the Commons fountain, but not as filtered.”

A table containing the testing results can be viewed below. Although the research has concluded, the search for the top water fountain is not over. Best of luck goes to the brave souls who wish to find the answer for themselves.

On the other hand, as senior Mark Fazio put it, “As long as the water is cold, it is a good fountain.”

Water Fountain Ranking*

*Rated on a scale of one to five with one being the best and five being the worst.